Instead of shaming/blaming someone for being abused, offer kindness and just listen without judgement.
“The victim of a narcissist needs:
– people to listen and not judge. They will relive the whole relationship many times. They need reassurance they did all they could to save the relationship, more than most women would, that they are not crazy or the bitch the narc says they are. (They may not believe it anymore than you do but; they WILL eventually think and talk about something else.
– the loyalty of friends and family. Do NOT stay friends with the narcissist. It is not possible to remain neutral with a narcissist. You are either supportive and believe the victim or you believe the narcissist but you can not ride the fence.
– do not fill the victim in on what the narc is doing. She may think she wants to know but it will only hurt.
– please do not tell them what they need to do to heal, and give them time to heal, at least a year or more
– please refrain from saying how you always knew he was bad news, you never would have fallen for his lies, or anything else that suggests they were stupid and should have known better
What do you need from the people closest to you? What could people have done to convince you to leave sooner ? What would have helped you heal faster? What surprised you the most after leaving the narcissist?”